“I challenge you, Dragon!”
Sir Duncan looked over the boulder at the mouth of the cave ahead of him. He was hiding behind a boulder because he and his squire, Eric, were tasked with slaying the dragon that lived in the cave.
The dragon in question had been plaguing their kingdom for several weeks now, mostly just stealing sheep, which the king had ignored. But when it burned down the vineyard where the palace made its wine, well that was when the king finally took action, which is why Sir Duncan and Eric are here now.
The king however, had not taken into account just how difficult it is to slay a dragon.
Now, it’s true there is the story where a knight goes into single combat against a dragon and saves a princess, but that story never was confirmed, which is what worried Sir Duncan right now. He turned to Eric and said, “I think we’ll need a plan.”
“Anything in mind Sir Duncan?” asked Eric.
‘Well,” began Duncan, “The king told me that before we slay the dragon, we have to, err, read it its rights.”
“Read it its- why would we do that? It’s a dragon.”
“That’s what I said,” said Sir Duncan. “But apparently the king wants to do this properly.”
“That’s mad,” stated Eric. “So I guess you’ll do that now.”
“Actually, I thought I’d let you do it this time, Eric.” Said Sir Duncan.
“What, why me? It’s a bloody dragon!”
“Well, maybe if you read very quickly and quietly, then the dragon won’t even notice. It may even be asleep. Besides, I’m the one wearing the armor; I can’t jump out of the way if it breathes fire at me.”
“Fine.” Said Eric, taking the scroll that had the rights on it. He then slinked over to the mouth of the cave, unrolled the scroll, and read the rights. It sounded a little like:
“Dragon you are here by charged with stealing about two dozen sheep burning down the king’s vineyard and maybe eating Mr. Jenkins we’re not really sure about that yet.
“Therefore you are to be put to the sword by Mr. Sir Duncan for your crimes, thank you and have a good day.”
Finished, Eric quickly dove back behind the boulder where Sir Duncan was waiting.
“Good job lad, I don’t think the dragon even noticed.”
Just as he finished speaking a jet of flame flew from the cave into the boulder. Fortunately they were on the other side of it.
“Bugger! Did you feel that!”
“It’s awake!”
Both of them hurriedly got up and ran for cover behind the next boulder (there were a lot of boulders in front of the cave).
After nothing happened for a minute, they cautiously poked their heads over the new boulder to see if the dragon had moved.
It had not. Or at least, it hadn’t left the cave yet.
“well,” said Sir Duncan.” Now we know it’s awake, probably.”
“Oh yeah, that helps.” Said Eric sarcastically.
“Of course it does! Now we can take that into account when we make our plan.”
“Which is?”
“That’s what we do now.” Said Sir Duncan. “Now, I’ve heard that the dragon’s belly is weakest. So maybe if you distracted it…”
“Oh of course, I distract it. How am I supposed to do that?” complained Eric.
“I don’t know, throw rocks at it or something. Now I’ve heard reports claiming it’s as big as a barn, although they could have been exaggerating when they said it. Nevertheless that’s all we have to go on now so I’ll have to take their word for it. Anyway, there’s two of us and only one dragon, so I say we just use that to our advantage and try to flank it from both directions.”
“That doesn’t sound much like a plan.” Said Eric.
“Well it’s all we got. Better than just rushing in there anyway. Now let’s go!”
Sir Duncan and Eric got up from behind the boulder and, cautiously, ran towards the cave.
“Dragon!” bellowed Sir Duncan, “I challenge you!”
From the back of the cave, ominous footsteps that shook the cave could be heard as the dragon came to the mouth of the cave.
The dragon was truly a majestic creature, covered in gleaming emerald scales, with three foot long horns and teeth that could tear a man in half.
It is the size a barn, thought Sir Duncan. Bigger actually, or least this close it seems to be. How does the king expect me to kill this thing?
Then something happened that Sir Duncan wasn’t expecting happened; the dragon spoke.
“Finally, the king sends a knight. I mean, how many sheep do I have to steal for him to take notice? He should thank me for burning down that vineyard too, if I stole much more sheep he’d have a riot at his gates.”
Eric, who also wasn’t expecting the dragon to talk, suddenly said “You can talk?”
“Well she can clearly talk Eric; I think that much is clear now.” Explained Sir Duncan. “Now dragon, now that we now you can talk, perhaps we can negotiate, because I’d rather leave here without being burned to a crisp. Right Eric?”
“But what if she ate Mr. Jenkins?” asked Eric.
“I didn’t eat any of the peasants.” Said the dragon, “Only the sheep. But I do not think we are here to negotiate. We are here to do battle, are we not?”
“Well we were at first.” Said Sir Duncan, “But I’ve always said that fighting never solves anything, right Eric?”
“You never say that, sir.”
“Yes I do, sometimes!” insisted Sir Duncan. “Look, why don’t me and my squire here just go back to our kingdom, and you just go back to wherever it is you came from. Or how Lavrabo! They have lots of sheep there, goats too, if you like.”
“I thought we were supposed to slay the dragon.” said Eric to Sir Duncan.
“Not now Eric, I’m negotiating here. Besides, this way is just as good, and we’re less likely to be torched if it works.”
“We are not here to negotiate.” Stated the dragon, “We are here to fight.”
“Oh come on!” shouted Sir Duncan, “Why are you so dead set on fighting? We don’t want to fight-“
“Because it has always been this way.” Said the dragon. “Dragons have always fought knights. It is how it is.
“But clearly that is not how it is anymore. Now there is only cowardly knights and selfish kings.” She looked at Sir Duncan in the eyes. “If you will not fight me then so be it. I will leave this pathetic kingdom behind. Perhaps some there are other knights who are brave enough to challenge a dragon.”
Then the dragon drew her wings and soared into the air, becoming only a dot in the sky in seconds.
“I can’t believe that worked.” Said Sir Duncan.
“But what about what she said?” asked Eric, “about our king being selfish and you being a coward?”
“Eric, our king is selfish. But he’s our selfish king.” Said Sir Duncan. “As for me being a coward, well, only when I can’t win. Know your limits lad, and you’ll live a long life.
“But come on, the dragon’s gone and we’re not even singed I say that’s a win in our book.” Sir Duncan said as he began walking away from the cave and back to the castle, Eric following behind.
The next day, a dragon appeared in the kingdom of Lavrabo. After it stole a few sheep, the king sent his finest knight to slay the dragon, who burned him, his horse, and his village.
